Tag Archives: outside life

I’ve been mixing the streams!

I have a half day off to study for my personal insurance exam, and I’ve finished the practice exam. I’m in pretty good shape overall, but combined with the spiritual work I’ve been doing lately, it’s leading to some odd stray thoughts.

Like a good homeowners policy is like the Agathos Daimon, and my premiums are a proper sacrifice.

Which of course has now lead to me singing, “Like your Agathos Daimon, State Farm is there!”


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Posted by on March 8, 2012 in Uncategorized


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I am still a horrible person

My husbands grandmother died on Sunday (hence, radio silence), and I think tomorrow’s post is going to deal with something pagan-y that came up.

But I think it’s important that I share just how horrible I am. They placed her casket in an epoxy-sealed vault before burial to keep it from the elements. I’m more assured that in case of zombies, she will not rise from her tomb.

It’s the little things, really. Kind of like when singing “On Eagles Wings” at the Church, and I don’t think of the Abrahamic God or Jesus. Nope, I think of Gandalf.



Posted by on March 1, 2012 in Uncategorized


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The two types of inattention

Everyone pretty much has this mind-eye picture of someone with ADHD: can’t settle, always on the go, can’t do just one thing. Blah blah blah. And you know what, that’s pretty accurate. The whole point is that somethings messing up the ability to focus. When my SiL mentions that to stay up, she just grabs a couple of projects to work on, that’s a huge shock to me — because I don’t have an attention span after about 7 pm. I’ve used it all up, no spoons left.

It was actually worse when I was in the call center, because there I had no breaks or moments to try to regain my focus. It was a constant, but I tried to make it serve the customer. That repeat what the person said trick? That was really me buying time to sort out what was actually said. I was good there. But I’m far better in my job now because if my attention wanders, I can take a few minutes and let it reset. I’m the single most productive member on the staff, and my supervisor pretty much takes a blind eye to my internet wanderings because my output is twice that of the rest.

My secret is that, these little wanders aside, I work until my focus is gone and then I switch it to something else work-related, like my insurance courses.

The other secret is that sometimes, I’m really not doing any work for hours.

Go back to  your mental image of someone with ADHD. That type of inattention is basically the brain going “PROCESS ALL THE THINGS” and attempting to do that by flitting from one to the other. I can actually harness this type at work: I look up a product, I compare a product, I search for a product, I read metafilter and bhuz. No biggie — I might not be able to settle on a single screen, but I don’t need to, I’ve modified the steps to service my needs. I can do that because I am aware of it thanks to my medication, and I can change it through behavior modifications.

But there’s a second form of inattention that I haven’t figured out how to deal with, and it’s why I came home from work early today. It’s basically zombie fog. You know that what you need to pay attention to is right in front of you, but its obfuscated and just out of reach. Eventually, your brain just starts fanning out, trying to find a way through the fog, but it just keeps getting lost along the way. You zone out, you day dream…it’s all very frustrating, because every redirection you take to whatever needs attention is still in the fog when you return to it.

This one happens to me more as I get tired, as my reserves dry up. So on days like today, when I’m sick and didn’t get much quality sleep? Once I’m at that point, the only thing I can do is wait it out until I basically have a hard reset, and I don’t know what that’ll take. I’m struggling with it now, and hoping I’ll get a reset before going to dance class.

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Posted by on February 1, 2012 in Uncategorized


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my pharmacy does not impress me

I am just about ready to give a giant finger to my pharmacy. I finally got the call that my meds are ready to pick up. I’m in the suburbs right now, so I can’t, but now I am curious to find out if it is the remainder of the 90-day script that I was supposed to get two weeks ago, or a refill of the 30 days.

If it is the 30 day, I am going to be very angry. If it is the 90-day, then the pharmacy can continue to exist. This was its second chance.

I can’t wait to start riding my new bike. It’s been a mild winter so far, so I might actually be able to get some riding in before there is a lot of snow. I’m not a fan of winter riding.

Although, with our in-town car sounding the way it is, maybe I should start bike commuting now!

I am feeling the urge to declutter again. This should be fun.

We’re at my parents. We’re waiting on the Priestly brother to get here to do Christmas. This is the first year the hubs and I will be skipping midnight mass. Waiting to see if there is any backlash, but I don’t think there will be. We’re debating whether to go tonight to his family or wait until morning. We’re both sick, him moreso, so it’ll depend on where he wants to stay the night.

Husband and my father have been bonding. Their relationship has been changing ever since  Nick started teaching this year. Thank goodness.

I had an intense and incredible ritual experience last weekend. I’ve been trying write something up from it, but words are escaping me. Such is the problem with the ineffable.

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Posted by on December 24, 2011 in Uncategorized



I live my life in bullet points

Each day this week, I have had a bit of awesome in one area of my life:

  • Monday: I received the highest rating possible at my yearly evaluation. This means when they do raise and bonus cash next year, I get the highest percentage. And no kidding, my “areas of improvement” section says ‘just continue what you are doing!’. Because I am that awesome at internet shopping.
  • Tuesday: I put in an hour-long workout, during which I met and busted through my first mile time goal of 15 minutes, by doing 14:17. My diet may be in tatters (seriously, what is willpower?) but I’m really gaining ground in running and I’ve discovered the free weight section of the gym. I’m sort of in love with barbell lunges. I’m still only using fixed weight barbells, but I’m making progress.
  • Yesterday: A bit more mixed, since my dance class was missing a lot of people, the two of us there got really intense work done. I’m starting to feel more confident in my ability to zill and dance at the same time and we did two different styles during improv. Which is way fun.

Following this pattern, tonight will either be a fantastic night of studying, or a fantastic ritual session, depending on what I do tonight. I like my odds!

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Posted by on December 15, 2011 in Uncategorized


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11/23/11 Giving Thanks…

As I prepare for tomorrows full day traveling and food extravaganza, and a long weekend at my parents, I am thankful for:

…a roof over my head, clothes to wear, food to eat, and books to read.
…a wonderful and amazing husband, who loves and adores me, and I him.
…friends who are not only willing, but eager to spend a wedding crawling around a giant adult playground.
…a rewarding spiritual life and a life lived in gods.
…medication to help me focus and be productive
…work that benefits others and being able to do a good job.
…my awesome supervisor.
…brothers to see the Muppet Movie with.
…my life, which over the past year has only been improving, and everything in it.
…and especially my mother’s cooking.

(I’m not thankful for whatever version of IE my work computer has….it will not load wordpress correctly. This was written last week)

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Posted by on November 29, 2011 in Uncategorized


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Childhood Heroes

Tonight, LeVar Burton is speaking at ISU as part of their free fall speaker collection. It’s Education week, which means he’s not talking Star Trek, but more Reading Rainbow and the power of reading and the spoken word. That’s even better, as far as I’m concerned. I may have had a LaForge action figure as a kid, but I grew up to have an English degree.

Reading Rainbow was one of those shows that I thought got better as I got older. I was too hyperactive as a kid to really watch TV as anything other than background noise, so I didn’t watch much of it. But reading –of any sort– captured my interest like nothing else. And seeing the science-minded LaForge on Reading Rainbow connected things for me. I was more science-minded as a kid. I loved space, I loved exploration, and I loved working things out. unfortunately, once science became more about math, my capacity for the subject just couldn’t keep up with my love for it. Instead of being able to take the space sciences classes, I ended up in Earth Science.

The best thing I can say about that class is that I rocked it. Pun intended. I slept through it, and had the highest grade, mostly because I still loved science. But I suck at math.

Seeing Burton tonight is a reminder that I can have many passions and loves, and that being a nerd never dies. I’ll try to write-up something on it later. (If you really want to know how much this means to me, they had Dan Savage there at the start of the series. I decided to go to dance class instead. If I had dance today? I’d still be going to ISU tonight!)

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Posted by on November 14, 2011 in Uncategorized



Updates in my life

Now in handy bullet format!

  • Easing into better diet and exercise habits. I’ve learned that I have a serious sweet tooth. Halloween Candy at work is a serious detriment. But I have had some success. And I like the new gym that opened ($10 a month? Awesome!) even if it gets busy and I need someone to show me how weights work.
  • My SIL’s car broke. Again. So she’s been borrowing mine as needed. Again. And now she’s complaining about the cars that her parents are trying to find for her. She takes the passive roll in this all the time and makes excuses for why she can’t do anything.
  • Watching season 2 of Glee. I have complex feelings. Part of them include being half in love with Blaine’s eyebrows.
  • I am really sort of sick of the dog barking and attacking me whenever I try to dance. He’s really obnoxious.
  • Looking for a new religion book to read, but I might just do some re-reading in my library.
  • I think I’m losing my husband this weekend. Apparently, there’s some sort of video game coming out that he ordered. Oh silly husbands.
  • It snowed today. Is it spring yet?
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Posted by on November 10, 2011 in Uncategorized


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Showcase and Insomnia

…thankfully, one after the other, and I didn’t try to dance exhausted. Saturday’s showcase went really well, at least the bits I could watch. I was asked to work the ticket counter by the director, and if there’s one thing I’m really good at, it’s taking other people’s money. I worked there through intermission, so I only got to watch if someone didn’t want to give me money.

But what I saw, looked good. In addition to working the table, I also held props and cover-ups for people. We had a new level 2 student take her foray into performing solo, and she did wonderful. I missed my best friend performing, and I want to smack whoever snarked on her music choice loud enough for her to hear, which threw her totally off. Or so she said, that was a performance I actually missed. She’s gotten really good at floorwork, which is an area that I really suck at.

I was in the second half, so after intermission and a quick check of my hair and makeup (and I hope my makeup worked as well as I think it did. I’m still waiting on photos), I had to go on. The first half of my piece was choreographed to set a mood and theme, the rest was improv. I got an instant reaction to the music, which was pretty different from the fairly slow or fusiony pieces that had been played before, and then I went into performance mode and I have a hard time recalling the rest. I know I was focusing on keeping a smile and not going too blank face, which was a goal, and I didn’t freeze during the improv.

Unfortunately, I know I didn’t hit some of the bits I wanted to do, and my arms could have used work, but I think I did alright. I’ll know when I see the dvd of it.

Even more sucky, is that though I left the after party at 11, after having a great conversation with the tap director, I didn’t fall asleep until 5 am. I tossed and turned, until I took a bath at 4 and read for an hour. I got a few hours of sleep after that, then headed to my sister in law’s to help her with costuming for work. I ironed muslin for hours.

And then didn’t sleep sunday night either. I came home early from work to try to nap, but it never happened. Finally got to sleep last night. I’m working on my sleep debt now, but I’m still exhausted.

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Posted by on October 25, 2011 in Uncategorized


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The Search for Breakfast

I am not a morning eater. If I had a real choice, I probably wouldn’t eat until about 10 am. However, my medication requires that I eat, and I forget to take it if it’s not morning. So I have to eat.  But I can’t just eat anything, because apparently, merely a full stomach isn’t enough to lessen the stomach ache. And worse yet, I hit a breaking point after about two weeks where whatever I’ve been eating is just disgusting.

Well, unless I’m broke and I’m just buying whatever is cheap and consistent.
So lately, I’ve been on the search for a good set of breakfasts to go between as needed. I have a few set rules for an at home breakfast. I’m trying to lessen the amount of meat I eat, so no more than one small serving.  Breakfast should be about 300 calories, give or take. Breakfast should be healthy, and shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes to make. Props if it is just assembled at the same time I make my lunch for the day.

Just fruit? Nope. The week I tried my old breakfast of a pear or apple, I was miserable.
Smoothie? Is okay, but it wakes up my appetite and I’m starving within an hour. I haven’t tried green smoothies yet, but I’m wondering if it’ll be the same.
Yogurt with fruit? Same as smoothie.

Bagel with spread of some sort: Is okay. I don’t quite make it until lunch with it, but it’s okay. Particularly if it’s an egg bagel and heated (not toasted)
English muffin: I spent about 3 years eating an english muffin and peanut butter for breakfast every day, because it was stupid cheap from Aldi. Unless it’s homemade, I don’t want to see these again.
Homemade bread: Awesome. But I make bread by hand, so it’s not consistent.

Bacon and Eggs: Works. But I’m horrible at making bacon. But, I don’t always want to eat meat, which is the same problem with one of my legit favorites: bagel, mustard and ham slice, oven warmed.

Cereal sucks. Oatmeal gets old real quick. This week I’ve been trying out muesli with yogurt which is working pretty well. We will see if it passes the one week test, but it’s delicious so far. But not always good at keeping the stomach at bay.

I guess what I’m really trying to say here? I hate breakfast foods. When I was a kid, I had either soup or a hot dog for breakfast. But those don’t really work for me anymore either. Although….maybe the soup. I think I may make one to go into the rotation.

Oh, and when I eat out? All bets are off, but it’s usually crepes. YUM.


Posted by on October 21, 2011 in Uncategorized


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