Struggling with change

13 Jul

After the past couple of weeks, my morning routine went caput. Horribly awry. I just could not find two shits to give to do anything in the house. Since we sorta worked things out with the landlord and set ourselves right with our roommates, I’ve been able to clean and organize a little bit better. Which is putting me in a better frame of mind overall. I’m hoping to get my morning routine, yoga/dance, sitting practice/prayer going again next week.

However, I’m going to playing with that again. My shift is moving once again, thankfully to an 8 am start time. After a year of late mornings, I can finally go back to being a morning person! But I’m worried that my propensity for time spent in bed half awake with my husband will work against me in getting a morning routine going.  It will be experimentation time again I suppose.

Since the unpleasantness ended, things are getting better around here. I wanted to start cleaning out the office this week, but husband rolled his ankle and I really don’t want him going up the stairs if he doesn’t have to. That way he’s in better shape for work. (Speaking of which, his boss says it could be raise time. We are cautiously optimistic. His boss is sort of …well…he’s something). He missed yesterday and half of today, which is fine. Despite him being pissy at himself, if you need rest, you need rest.

It strikes me as funny that I don’t deal well with change in my personal life (and the unstructured nature of most plans really gets me sometimes) but at work? I’m praised for my ability to adapt and go with the flow and end up on top. Maybe it’s that work is more structured, which means I can deal with the change better. When I’m at home, there’s so much that’s undefined, so much that’s dependent on other people, and I have so much choice of what to do that I just freeze and do nothing for much of the evening. Things at work may depend on people, but not my main task (shopping! research!) and I literally have a list to work from, where I can only work from that list.

One of these days I’ll figure it out. Much like my husband, I’m good at getting others and inspiring others to do well, find a routine that works for them, and adapt, but it’s far more difficult to do that for myself.

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Posted by on July 13, 2011 in Uncategorized


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