Gods come and go, so I didn’t consider this a bad thing. But I think this ritual was really needed for our god-mortal relationship. So I pushed my boundaries; I stayed up late, I drank, then cleansed myself both physically and mentally and approached my altar.

I don’t really like to talk much about what I do during ritual, because while I start off with a traditional Hellenic structure (I love the traditional structure, because it is very much like what I grew up with in the Catholic Church, and so I gravitate towards it naturally now), the content really will vary. I offer to Hestia as I light my candles and incense, pour wine for Dionysos and open with prayer.  Then dancing, as much as I can stand, enough to link my mind and body together, which ends with communion with Dionysos.

I have a hard time expressing the emotional intensity and just what happens during the moments of communion and experience, and I think that’s really the point. You have to experience it for yourself to really understand why I do it and why I follow this god.

I do however, want to share one of the concepts I got out of that ritual. One thing I really struggle with is that I’m not an outgoing person; not a drinker; not the sort of person you’d think of when you’d picture a Dionysos devotee. I’m a homebody and while utterly delightful, in truth, a little awkward. But the concept I got was to inspire within others, facilitate within others, what I cannot be myself.

Maybe that’s my work to do; prepare the way, make things ready and such so that others can experience the joy of my god. Even if they don’t believe, people like a party.

—

I’ve also been silent because we had a very intense scare with my mother. She was in ICU for two days after not being able to breathe and congestive heart failure, and spent a week on the general heart floor, getting tests done. They just wouldn’t let her leave, her blood pressure kept spiking. I spent the first weekend up with them, helping manage my brother and visiting mom. I’ll probably go back next weekend too.  They found a 90% blockage in her heart, in the area usually called the Widowmaker (cheerfully relayed via text message by my dad, as he was giving us updates. There is always time for trivia in my family),  and put in a stent. She’s home now, but has to make serious changes, ones that didn’t stick when she first was diagnosed with diabetes.

I hope it really hit home for my middle brother as well, as he is rapidly on the same path as my mother. We were all scared, and it really reinforced why I work out, why I watch what I eat, because in our family, weight and health are connected. I’m a firm believer in health at every size, but also know what is good for my own health.

If it is the 30 day, I am going to be very angry. If it is the 90-day, then the pharmacy can continue to exist. This was its second chance.
–

I can’t wait to start riding my new bike. It’s been a mild winter so far, so I might actually be able to get some riding in before there is a lot of snow. I’m not a fan of winter riding.

Although, with our in-town car sounding the way it is, maybe I should start bike commuting now!

–
I am feeling the urge to declutter again. This should be fun.

–

We’re at my parents. We’re waiting on the Priestly brother to get here to do Christmas. This is the first year the hubs and I will be skipping midnight mass. Waiting to see if there is any backlash, but I don’t think there will be. We’re debating whether to go tonight to his family or wait until morning. We’re both sick, him moreso, so it’ll depend on where he wants to stay the night.

Husband and my father have been bonding. Their relationship has been changing ever since  Nick started teaching this year. Thank goodness.

–

I had an intense and incredible ritual experience last weekend. I’ve been trying write something up from it, but words are escaping me. Such is the problem with the ineffable.

• Monday: I received the highest rating possible at my yearly evaluation. This means when they do raise and bonus cash next year, I get the highest percentage. And no kidding, my “areas of improvement” section says ‘just continue what you are doing!’. Because I am that awesome at internet shopping.
• Tuesday: I put in an hour-long workout, during which I met and busted through my first mile time goal of 15 minutes, by doing 14:17. My diet may be in tatters (seriously, what is willpower?) but I’m really gaining ground in running and I’ve discovered the free weight section of the gym. I’m sort of in love with barbell lunges. I’m still only using fixed weight barbells, but I’m making progress.
• Yesterday: A bit more mixed, since my dance class was missing a lot of people, the two of us there got really intense work done. I’m starting to feel more confident in my ability to zill and dance at the same time and we did two different styles during improv. Which is way fun.

Following this pattern, tonight will either be a fantastic night of studying, or a fantastic ritual session, depending on what I do tonight. I like my odds!

Weland the blade-winder      suffered woe,
That steadfast man      knew misery.
Sorrow and longing      walked beside him,
wintered in him,      kept wearing him down
after Nithad      hampered and restrained him,
lithe sinew-bonds      on the better man.
      That passed over,       this can too.

For Beadohilde      her brother’s death
weighed less heavily      than her own heartsoreness
once it was clearly      understood
she was bearing a child.      Her ability
to think and decide      deserted her then.
      That passed over,      this can too.

We have heard tell      of Mathilde’s laments,
the grief that afflicted      Geat’s wife.
Her love was her bane,      it banished sleep.
      That passed over,      this can too.

For thirty winters—      it was common knowledge—
Theodric held      the Maerings’ fort.
      That passed over,      this can too.

Earmonric      had the mind of a wolf,
by all accounts      a cruel king,
lord of the far flung      Gothic outlands.
Everywhere men sat      shackled in sorrow,
expecting the worst,      wishing often
he and his kingdom      would be conquered.
      That passed over,      this can too.

A man sits mournful,      his mind in darkness,
so daunted in spirit      he deems himself
ever after      fated to endure.
He may think then      how throughout this world
the Lord in his wisdom      often works change—
meting out honor,      ongoing fame
to many, to others      only their distress.
Of myself, this much      I have to say:
for a time I was poet      of the Heoden people,
dear to my lord.      Deor was my name.
For years I enjoyed      my duties as minstrel
and that lord’s favor,      but now the freehold
and land titles      he bestowed upon me once
he has vested in Heorrenda,      master of verse-craft.
      That passed over,      this can too.

…wait, dread? Oh yes, because as the first snow hits my Central Illinois town, another important season begins.

It’s ibuprofen season! Yes, that wonderful time of year when chronic pain becomes far more than just an annoyance and blossoms into something that affects my daily life.

I wonder if, in the spirit of modern paganism and ritualizing daily life, I should create a festival.

Dionysus walks his vineyard, his beloved;
Two women in dark clothing – two vintagers – follow him.
Dionysus tells the two mournful guards – The vintagers:
“Take your sharp knife, my vintners, Grief and Torment;
Harvest, Grief and Torment, my beloved grapes!
Gather the blood of scarlet bunches, the tears of my golden clusters -
Take the victim of bliss to the whetstone of grief,
The purple of suffering to the whetstone of bliss;
Pour the fervent liquid of scarlet delights into my ardent Grail!”

Which I think is pretty foolish, because I think it’s actually a pretty great deconstruction and reinterpretation of more “Traditional” bellydance. When I’m watching it, I see a lot of dance instincts and musical interpretation that is used in the other half of bellydance, watch at 1:02, and 1:40-2:00. Looking past the electronica, and what’s needed to interpret that, the movement choice and the much of the movement itself wouldn’t be out-of-place at a non-tribal show. Even the costuming reminds me of much of the professional bellydancer costuming, just done in darker colors.

Really, this piece is a poster child for Fusion that is directly inspired by the vintage bellydance that is, and rightly so, admired. I really want to see more of it, and it’s really the sort of dance I want to do. I really hope this is the new trend in tribal fusion, because I’ll take this over yet another bustle any day.

…a roof over my head, clothes to wear, food to eat, and books to read.
…a wonderful and amazing husband, who loves and adores me, and I him.
…friends who are not only willing, but eager to spend a wedding crawling around a giant adult playground.
…a rewarding spiritual life and a life lived in gods.
…medication to help me focus and be productive
…work that benefits others and being able to do a good job.
…my awesome supervisor.
…brothers to see the Muppet Movie with.
…my life, which over the past year has only been improving, and everything in it.
…and especially my mother’s cooking.

(I’m not thankful for whatever version of IE my work computer has….it will not load wordpress correctly. This was written last week)

Reading Rainbow was one of those shows that I thought got better as I got older. I was too hyperactive as a kid to really watch TV as anything other than background noise, so I didn’t watch much of it. But reading –of any sort– captured my interest like nothing else. And seeing the science-minded LaForge on Reading Rainbow connected things for me. I was more science-minded as a kid. I loved space, I loved exploration, and I loved working things out. unfortunately, once science became more about math, my capacity for the subject just couldn’t keep up with my love for it. Instead of being able to take the space sciences classes, I ended up in Earth Science.

The best thing I can say about that class is that I rocked it. Pun intended. I slept through it, and had the highest grade, mostly because I still loved science. But I suck at math.

Seeing Burton tonight is a reminder that I can have many passions and loves, and that being a nerd never dies. I’ll try to write-up something on it later. (If you really want to know how much this means to me, they had Dan Savage there at the start of the series. I decided to go to dance class instead. If I had dance today? I’d still be going to ISU tonight!)

• Easing into better diet and exercise habits. I’ve learned that I have a serious sweet tooth. Halloween Candy at work is a serious detriment. But I have had some success. And I like the new gym that opened ($10 a month? Awesome!) even if it gets busy and I need someone to show me how weights work.
• My SIL’s car broke. Again. So she’s been borrowing mine as needed. Again. And now she’s complaining about the cars that her parents are trying to find for her. She takes the passive roll in this all the time and makes excuses for why she can’t do anything.
• Watching season 2 of Glee. I have complex feelings. Part of them include being half in love with Blaine’s eyebrows.
• I am really sort of sick of the dog barking and attacking me whenever I try to dance. He’s really obnoxious.
• Looking for a new religion book to read, but I might just do some re-reading in my library.
• I think I’m losing my husband this weekend. Apparently, there’s some sort of video game coming out that he ordered. Oh silly husbands.
• It snowed today. Is it spring yet?